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30 Days Without My Crutch

30 Jan

Growing up I had to go to counseling. I usually went twice a week. My parents were in the process of a divorce so the counseling was a necessary evil to help me process what was going on. One of the many things I learned about myself in therapy is that I have an addictive personality.

Flash forward 14 years and I totally get why they said that. I never drank alcoholic beverages until after I was 21. Ever since that first drink, it’s been rare that I go more than I week with out some sort of alcoholic drink.

I enjoy drinking while playing Call of Duty with my buddies, or while playing the drums. I think I’m a much better musician once I have a few drinks in me, I’m not over thinking every move while playing. There is some research that supports a person’s creativeness while under the influence. I also drink a lot while watching football.

Currently, my drinking doesn’t effect my life in a negative way. At least not yet. It’s never effected me working. It hasn’t effected my relationships with others. With the passing of my dad my emotional stability was not really there. I found that after a stressful day at work I was turning to alcohol to make me feel better. I am using alcohol now as a way to enjoy my night.

Two weeks ago while the San Francisco 49ers lost to Seattle I was heated. I was very mad and disappointed that my team lost a game I felt they could have won.  I finished a 12 pack of Yuengling.

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The next morning I stayed thinking about how just a few years ago I would not have been able to remotely drink that much and be OK. It was my sign. For me this is the straw that broke the camels back.

I thought about my dad, and how he drank when he was angry or stressed. I feel right into the same pattern so easily. I miss my dad so very much. I can’t quite grasp the fact that he is gone. That when I text him that he won’t answer me. And no matter how much I drink and try to avoid the terrible realization that he’s gone, nothing is changing. He’s not here, and I’m no further in processing that fact.

So as of today January 30th, 3:36pm I am going 30 days without a drink of alcohol. That includes the Super Bowl, which will be hard for me. I don’t think that I am an alcoholic, but then again what alcoholic does? I feel like drinking in moderation is not a problem. So taking a break will help me achieve that.
Let’s see how hard it really is to achieve this. If I’m not addicted like I think then it should be easy. Stay tuned to find out. I’m also reviewing an android app that I use for other things in my life that might be able to help me with this goal.

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Posted by on January 30, 2014 in Health, Rants

 

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