Who am I? Who are you? Such a simple question, but when thought about is not an easy one to answer. Been thinking about this a lot lately. The answer to this question for me is way too much to actually write in a single blog post. So how about I focus on aspects of my personality. Give you a peek into who I really am.
I am greedy, self-servient, critically judgemental, attention seeking, pessimistic, procrastinating procrastinator, defensive. The facade I wear daily makes me seem to be outgoing, generous, hardworking, determined, and goal oriented. It sounds like I am a terrible person when put so bluntly. Not every negative characteristic is actually negative though. The fact that I am very judgemental makes me a great recruiter in my job. I succeed in sales simply because of the recognition(attention seeking) I get from selling well. Attributes that are sometimes deemed negative can be used in a positive manor. Just because my initial reaction to something may be negative doesn’t mean that it controls my response.
I went to counseling for years, mainly to learn and understand what makes me tick. I have a good understanding of what angers me and what motivates me. Anger… it’s such a powerful feeling. It is actually the part of my personality that drives me daily. Unfortunately, its not an easy one to control. Anger is one that many find easy to express. Most of the time it is really a cover up feeling for insecurity, immediate gratification, entitlement, defensiveness, or feelings of disrespect. For me though, my anger usually comes from my defensive nature. I don’t like being wrong. I don’t like not being in control. So I put up walls. I keep people at a distance. I defend my opinions. No actually I take it one step further, because defending my opinions aren’t enough. I need to get you to agree to my opinion. I do everything I can to manipulate people into seeing things the way I do. I am right and they are wrong. Writing that just sounds terrible, but its true. that’s how I am and that’s how I have always been. Ignorance calls me hard headed or stubborn, its more than that. I’m still trying to master my emotions and I guess I will always be working on that.
Who are you?